Quarantine musings

My writing practice has always been there for me, whether I’ve needed to sort something out for myself, or tell the world something that needed telling, or just to keep myself company. It’s always been a place I could go. But in the terrifying early days of the pandemic I couldn’t write. Didn’t even know what I’d write about, since the things I’d been working on before seemed irrelevant and the thing that had made them irrelevant felt too big to look at.

I did, however, receive invitations to contribute to other people’s projects, and this was a kind of rope to hold onto as I pulled myself back up the mountain. One of those calls for submissions came in the form of a questionnaire called Quarantine Musings from some lovely people I briefly a few years ago at a small zine fest in Newark, Delaware. They do a zine called Red Tent, a collection of visual art and writing that the creators make during the time they’re menstruating, the idea being that this can be a time of increased, or maybe temporarily altered, creativity. When they described the zine to me I had a strong emotional response to the idea, so I created a visual poem about menopause looming on the horizon and submitted it to an issue that came out in 2019. This time around, I contributed answers to questions the zine’s editors posed about the pandemic. Anyone could respond to the questionnaire, not just people who menstruate.

The issue came out a few days ago and I thought I’d share it with you since it’s free to read and really beautiful looking. It’s called “Escape From Middle School Bedroom.” The editors have packed a lot into these 76 pages, and you can feel the love and care they put into the project. Below is a bit of what I wrote. If you’d like to read the full interview and enjoy the other contributors’ photography, collage art, mixtape song lists, and clever pop culture references, you can read it here.

  1. new routines you’ve created during this time

My partner Joe and I run a show space in our house where we host readings, art shows, and musicians, and these events have become an important part of our lives. Having to cancel and postpone them has been one of many personal losses we’ve experienced during this time. We decided to try doing shows online instead, and it has really helped. Once a week we do zine readings and every weekend we play noise music, live on our Instagram channels (@thelalatheory and @displacedsnail). Making music and talking to people online has been fun and healing, and it helps us stay connected to people in our small community.

2. old routines that you miss most

I most miss the day-to-day of being around other people: walking on the sidewalk here in my Philly neighborhood, riding the bus, being downtown for work or appointments, and picking out the clothes I’ll wear on a given day. I miss seeing and being seen by people, friends and strangers alike. It has also been painful for me to not be able to go out to shows and dance parties, which is a big part of my life.

4. stay-at-home makeup or fashion looks

Okay, so—I love wigs. I enjoy putting together costumes from thrift store clothes and cheap wigs, and will occasionally wear a wig out at night, but even though I’ve wanted to I’ve never worn one of my wigs on a normal day because I worry it will look too fake or weird. Now that I’m making these live videos a couple times a week I’ve embraced their fake weirdness and wear a different one every time. It’s felt powerful (and fun) to come up with a reason to dress up and, instead of worrying whether I look “good,” focus on looking interesting. 

5. new recipes you’ve attempted and/or conquered

One of my favorite recipes is for Mexican chocolate cookies, which have cayenne powder and cinnamon in them. They’re chocolatey and chewy and the tiny bit of added heat makes them special. Last week I tried a new recipe for a Mexican chocolate quick bread, but I had to improvise a bit because I didn’t have the ancho chile powder it called for and used cayenne instead. It came out WAY too hot for a sweet bread and was actually pretty terrible (though that didn’t stop us from eating it, ha). I made the same recipe a few days later without any hot spices and it came out delicious. (Recipe here)

6. your makeshift home office setups

I already had an office space at home because that’s where I do most of my work. My office is a small, cozy room that I have festooned with strings of lights, plants, my collection of shells from the beach, a radio, and lots of little pictures and post cards, a bit like a teenager’s bedroom. I try to keep the energy in there soft and safe but stimulating enough that I can stay excited about my work and get it finished. 

7. ways to accept/combat boredom

I find boredom to be a hard concept to define since for me it usually has a lot of feelings mixed up in it. The boredom that has come upon me during this isolation time seems to have to do with the psychological stress I’m feeling that makes it hard or even impossible to concentrate on any of the things I can do here at home, including things I usually enjoy. When all this started, I focused on doing what I could. Some days that has meant writing a text instead of a letter, or doing one hour of work when a whole day or even half a day felt impossible. Slowly my capacity to stay present has increased. 

8. book, movie, television show, music, game, or Instagram account recommendations

I love reading Conrad Benner’s Instagram posts (@streetsdept). He’s an artist and curator who runs Streets Department, a website that documents street art in Philly. I admire him because he grew up here and his love for the city and its people is evident in all he does. He consistently speaks truth to power while maintaining a positive attitude. Throughout this pandemic he has used his platform to talk about renters’ rights, opportunities for artists to earn money for their work, places where people can get free food, and so forth. He’s really cool.

I’ve also been super psyched to see that a couple of our favorite DJs here in town are putting their “parties” on Twitch. Last Saturday night Joe and I were feeling down and low-energy, but when we tuned into the livestream we got on our feet and danced!

9. exceptional or unusual interactions with friends/family/roommates/neighbors (positive or negative)

Tonight we ordered take-out from a pub in the neighborhood that we really love. They threw together a website for online ordering during quarantine and are doing curbside pick-up. Getting take-out could never replace sitting in that cozy place and listening to music while we eat or drink, but their food is great and we miss them. Today is Easter, and when we got back home and unpacked our food we saw that they’d put a big handful of foil-wrapped Easter chocolates inside a rubber glove and tossed that in with the stuff we’d ordered. The sweet gesture, together with the scary visual of the surgical gloves everyone’s been wearing, almost made me cry.